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There’s likely a lot more going on here than I’m hearing in your short paragraph. I suggest you get external support and talk this through together with a professional. A pattern of addiction also tells me that there’s likely to be something in his history that impacts his relationships.
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His journey of sobriety will have changed the relationship dynamics for both of you. If I’m understanding you right, for the first 10 years of your marriage your husband was addicted to ice and speed but you didn’t know about it for nine of those years.
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I suspect that you’re having challenges communicating together and may be struggling to find meaningful ways to create connection and understanding between you. Sexual intimacy is an important part of most relationships.īut there’s more to look at here than the sex itself. It’s true, your marriage will be unlikely to survive this disconnection – unless you’re both willing to do something about it. Sexual intimacy and connection is important in relationships. It may also have to do with how he’s coping in life following his addiction and journey to sobriety.Īnd yes, your changed physical appearance may be a factor for him. Is your partner on any prescription medication now? Particularly SRRI antidepressants? These are known to interfere with sexual desire and function. Despite this, we tend to take it personally when a partner isn’t interested in sex with us. Sometimes a loss of sexual desire is about a partner, but more often it’s about something going on within the person themselves.
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Increasing desire requires addressing both. I’ve written previously about sexual desire having ‘brakes’ and ‘accelerators’. Need some help desperately as I don’t know if our marriage will survive this disconnection.ĪNSWER: It’s difficult for me to give you a definitive answer on why your partner has lost sexual desire or his sexual desire with you without speaking to him. I know he says he has no sexual desire anymore.īut I am not sure if I have turned him off due to my weight or if it is from being sober he doesn’t want or feel the same way about me anymore. In this last four years, I have also put on a huge amount of weight due to my health. And I wanted to support him to get clean. I stayed with him as he is a wonderful husband and father away from the drugs. I only found out about the drugs in the last seven years. My husband was addicted to ice and speed for over 10 years and he is clean and sober for the last six years. But for the last four years there has been no sex in our marriage. QUESTION: I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man. Ensure that the third party also knows about any boundaries and agreements relevant to them.įinally, keep in mind that just because she wants something different in bed, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still want to be in a relationship with you. Make sure you go into it with clear agreements and boundaries as a couple. As long as you’re both in agreement about it.Įngaging in a threesome can be fun, but also complicated. Talk about how you can meet both your needs.Īnd then at times, we simply have sexual desires, things we want to explore, fantasies we want to fulfil. She might want more forceful sex sometimes, but it sounds like you still enjoy sex with connection. Threesomes can be fun but need clear guidelines to avoid anyone getting hurt.